Ever have that grieving period that you just couldn’t seem to shake for the first day after the tragic occurrence? I am going through that right now. My grandmother passed away one hour after I arrived at her side on her deathbed. Her final breath, a deep gasp, occurred at 2:24 p.m., February 17th. This is a very sad day for me indeed. In fact, all of my family are very negatively affected. I seem to have developed a very strong grief in this moment, because it was such a difficult sight to see someone I love pass away right before my eyes.
So, what have I done to deal with it? Last night, we all met at my parents’ house. There was pizza and poker and TV being eaten and played. I whipped out a few cigars as a final respect to her long life (she was 93). My fiancee joined in, and the kids had all been playing games and tag.
This, I feel, was the best way to counteract the grieving process. Being with those you love is the strongest bond, in my opinion.
However, when I went to bed, it was a different story altogether. I had a bad dream, I kept getting cold, and trembled beneath my blanket for a few hours. When I finally did get to sleep, this dream was just really scary to me at the time. It finally panned out, in the end. I woke up crying, and did so for about a half hour. My dog sensed a problem and curled up in my lap.
I realized that I was very hungry, so I wound up going to the store to grab some eggs and milk. But it felt surreal. It was as if no one was really there, but at the same time I was just kind of trudging through other people, who were totally unaware of my pain. It was the weirdest thing. Other people shopping and the store employees stocking shelves with goods. No one made eye contact with me at all. Maybe they did detect something amiss.
I got home and once again began bawling. It’s been a very rough day and I have been awake no more than two hours. It is a terrible thing to wake up and a big part of your life, a backbone to the family, will no longer be there to sing, smile, and laugh with you at dinner. To give you another hug and a kiss during holidays. To give her a heartfelt gift on her birthday. I’ve become deeply saddened by this process.
As such, I’m not quite sure I’ve experienced a grief of this magnitude before. Yes, I have lost relatives in the past. In fact, this last December we just lost my uncle, who had been suffering from Lou Gehrig’s disease after a bout of lead poisoning. Yes, of course I grieved then, too. But this feels very different for some reason. It feels like a huge loss on me and everyone.
There have been several books on the subject, but as I haven’t read any of them, I couldn’t say for sure whether they’re helpful or not. I can say, however, that books sometimes help with comforting people. This book, as a matter of fact, came up in a search on Amazon. It might be helpful to you.
Allow me to take the time now to end this post. I’m going to probably look around for something to occupy my mind. I could definitely use a lot of help right now.