Look here. This guy is a plumber. Red overalls, brown shirt and boots, red hat, fat mustache. Chubby for someone who can more than double his own height at a pounce (I dunno, maybe he’s solid muscle).
I’ve been able to give Super Mario Bros a lot of discernment because I’ve been playing for years and years. Maybe even longer than some of you have been alive. Now, that’s not to say that I have played with obsessive demeanor literally the entire time. I can name a whole host of characters. I know a good number of games under the Nintendo brand. Let’s face it, when you have a guy who can have enough inertia left over to break bricks with his fist by jumping nearly 8 feet in the air, there is much to be said about the entire thing from a third-person view.
He does have a brother named Luigi. He resembles Mario, and wears mostly the same things except for the color of his outfit being nestled somewhere in the color spectrum which occupies the green sector. Somehow, he, like Mario, was granted an innate capacity to shoot fireballs from his fist (maybe that’s the secret that allows them to break bricks and not shoot a fireball if he just jumps beneath an open sky or beneath bricks that are otherwise out of reach of his jump). In the second Super Mario Bros, however, he is a pogo stick who can manipulate air beneath his feet to give him the most bang for his jump, every time. Crazy.
So, let’s talk about the general story line. Mario and his brother Luigi are, quite possibly from an exorbitant pasta-eating competition from the night before, awoken by the screams of some girl who happens to be a princess. In this case, a giant turtle has taken hold of her and is now at large for kidnapping (grand theft royalty?). I guess the Mushroom Kingdom doesn’t exactly have a care in the world for the non-Goomba, non-Koopa Troopa, non-Bullet Bill type. So you start out at the beginning of the level as a small entity. You’re walking on a bricked pathway, with cucumber-esque mountains in the background and apparently very dense clouds floating around. You have a very seemingly low tolerance for this type of atmosphere (which makes you an alien) because you can only breathe it for 400 seconds (which is an insanely long time to hold your breath underwater during very aggressive swimming activity) before you lose a life (you are also a cat).
It sort of makes you wonder how you got the news in the first place. None of the provided enemies seem to have an interest in you except for:
Lakitu– throws two-second-gesatational-period spiny eggs at you, from which hatch equally uninterested Spiny enemies. They simply pretend to wish to attack you by virtue of the fact that they face in your direction upon landing, but they won’t intentionally do anything.
Hammer Brothers– Obviously jealous that they have to share the name “brothers” in the description which composes their name (One of them must have their first initials as “M. C.” It only makes sense. The only remedy for this troublesome truth is to chuck hammers at our protagonist.
Bowser– This guy right here also throws hammers, but in much greater quantity than that seen by the Hammer Bros. Disturbingly enough, the very axe or switch is located RIGHT NEXT TO THE BRIDGE WHICH IT IS INTENDED TO DESTROY. This makes Bowser quite dumb. I would have hidden it in some highly inaccessible vault, or just not had a lava-spanning bridge to begin with.
Bloobers– They chase you very, very slowly. Yawn.
Otherwise, everyone just minds their own business while this guy just slaughters all their buddies. They all seem so two-dimensional. Because of the fact that it was the earliest type of video gaming for myself (since I never thought much of arcades as a kid), I still think this is a great, solid classic. Nostalgia reigns supreme here, folks.